Conversations That Failed Musicians Are Bored Of Having

I saw an article today called “Conversations That Dancers Are Bored Of Having”.

I read it. It inspired me to write a similar article;

“Conversations That Failed Musicians Are Bored Of Having”

Hey dude, was wondering if you would ever do a tab of [MY SONG TITLE]? Really love that song.

Mate, I don’t put in the effort to practice often enough to play my songs well. Why would I put in the effort to teach you how to?

We would love if you would be able to perform in the form of non for profit and come and show your support for our [ORGANISATION NAME].

I am currently trying to sell a pair of used steel cap work boots on Gumtree for $25. My previous employer gave them to me for free. Do these sound like the actions of someone who can do anything in the form of ‘non for profit’? If you had any clue how difficult, frustrating, financially fruitless and expensive it is to create and maintain a band that doesn’t suck, you would never ask one to play for free.

We are exploring our interests and sharing them with the wider community. To enhance our videos we were wanting to use music from up and coming Australian bands, that we love to listen to. We are not being paid to do this. Would we be able to use your song [MY SONG TITLE SPELLED INCORRECTLY] as a backing track for a video? Full credit would be given to you at the end of our video. 

You’re asking if we’ll hand over free licensing of a song that took literally hours upon hours to write and record, and cost AT LEAST $1000 to do so? In exchange for the exposure that a brand new YouTube channel with shit all followers might provide? Let me think about it. In the mean time, are you perhaps interested in a pair of quality steel cap work boots?

Why do you have a “new” band name ? Your last name was something with “red .. ” or wasn’t it? And Sorry for my bad English!

No, it was not. Why do you message non-famous bands who have barely played a gig or released any music in two years?

There may be a sequel to this article. Also, don’t start a band. It’s expensive, demoralising and hard. Be a fucking DJ or electronic music producer. They basically get paid/laid the same, don’t have to split it with three or four other members and don’t have to lug amps and drums up stairs.


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