I care more about the pursuit of removing hairs from my toilet bowl than I do about cricket, and wish people would stop asking me what I think of the ashes just because I’m Australian. The only thing I know about cricket is that Shane Warne was punching well above his weight when he was shagging Liz Hurley, and that some dude drank 52 beers on a flight from Australia to London in the 80s and that’s fucking cool.
Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not an accomplishment.
– Go to warm places
– Party with other drunk, travelling westerners
– Put photos on instagram with shit-eating caption
– Refresh to check ‘likes’ till phone battery dies